Okay, sooner or later I could have gently driven again at her as a substitute of simply being an angst sponge, and now she’s mad at me that I used to be handiest 80 % supportive together with her final firing.
The not unusual denominator to me is that she isn’t adaptable in any respect and is her personal worst enemy, but when my tiny pushback were given a unfavorable reaction, there’s no manner pronouncing that isn’t blowing up the friendship, proper? She’s sensible and humorous, and I revel in her corporate, however, once more, I don’t wish to be an angst sponge, so what now?
Friend: You’ve already achieved it. You’ve ventured into the I-am-not-your-angst-sponge zone, which is the place all of the wholesome friendships are living. Now all it’s important to do is keep there.
But there also are obnoxious and non-obnoxious tactics to do this, the latter being higher at no longer blowing up friendships.
Obnoxious: “Your problem is you’re not flexible at all.” “Hello, common denominator!”
Non-obnoxious: “Huh. What do you think you’ll do?” Or, “Interesting. How did you handle it? Or, “What would you do differently next time?” Or, “I wonder what I’d do in that situation.”
The non-obnoxious manner is to acknowledge that you simply haven’t were given existence all discovered, both. You’re doing nice, for your credit — however at any given time all of us are simply snapshots alongside the best way. It’s all the time just right to stay conscious of that.
So, you both say what’s true with out follow-up: “I’m sorry you’re struggling.” Or you soar her court cases again to her via asking questions, which is best than expressing sympathy you don’t really feel.
Even higher, doing this makes her, no longer you, the only to get a hold of the solutions, appropriately. She can withstand all she desires, however if you happen to gently grasp that line, then she’ll have to provide concepts, trade the topic or make a case for court cases with out trade. All wins.
And there’s additionally this: “When you find the job without terrible people and unfair rules, please share.” Dry sympathy, with a kick.
To Friend: You would possibly simply have to recognize the friendship is over. I do know any individual like this, and her neurosis has roots in her circle of relatives scenario; she has alienated completely everybody she is aware of, in addition to all of the imaginable managers at her employer.
Anonymous: True, however there’s nonetheless a lot between Friend’s scenario and yours. Friend handiest simply stepped clear of the codependent-sponge position, this means that a bunch of new choices have unfolded.
Re: Friend: If the friend is “not adaptable at all,” that can be a neuro factor which may be arduous for her to switch. The responses Carolyn suggests, plus cultivating an interior sympathy for any individual whose mind is that rigidly stressed, could be a just right aggregate. I’ve some rigid folks in my existence who appear to have been born that manner. A mutual friend says she all the time thinks, “It’s hard being [Name of Inflexible Person],” and is thankful for the power to be extra versatile. Life is tougher if you happen to aren’t adaptable.
Hopefully this friend will really feel uncomfortable sufficient to hunt out many ways to switch, however that’s totally for her to come to a decision.