Criticism could be particularly onerous for extremely delicate folks as a result of we strive so onerous and we care a lot. It’s actually fascinating how a lot it might probably have an effect on HSPs particularly.
I wish to share that as a result of it normalizes our expertise, to know we’re not alone in how we expertise issues. I actually have developed some instruments to assist with criticism however can nonetheless be impacted at instances.
On an nameless survey I posted, somebody wrote that they discover my voice so shrill that they may not stand listening to me. I felt the sting.
But it’s vital to understand criticisms are opinions that adjust from individual to individual, and due to this fact, we’ve to watch out about what we soak up and what we imagine. To present an instance of that, many others have shared my voice is soothing, calm, and nurturing. Notice how reverse these opinions are?
So the subsequent time you obtain criticism, I need you to recollect this instance and know that criticism has nothing to do with us personally and often comes from a painful place inside one other. People are going to have many differing kinds of opinions. What’s vital is that we don’t soak them in.
It’s helped so much to do my very own private development work and construct my shallowness. When my shallowness was low, criticisms knocked me down onerous, and for a very long time. When I had no private worth, I believed the criticism.
It took time to construct up my sense of self, and it’ll take time to construct yours if that’s a problem for you too.
When you’re feeling the sting, acknowledge it and provides your self some compassion. Remind your self of your worth and your intentions. Also, give attention to some positives about you in order that negativity bias of the mind doesn’t take over. Remember, it takes eight positives to neutralize one damaging.
Not everybody goes to love us, and that’s okay. What’s vital is that we be taught to like and assist our delicate hearts and know our intentions come from good locations.
I don’t suppose anybody is totally resistant to the impacts of criticism. Case in level, right here’s what some HSPs in my Sensitive Empowerment Community commented after studying some of my ideas on criticism:
1. The energy of self-compassion
“I remember when I would be hurt when I was a kid my mom would tell me to ‘get over it.’ I remember that being invalidating, unhelpful, and actually hurt me more. I think it would be powerful to teach our sensitive children the art of self-compassion. Can you imagine a whole generation of sensitive children raised with self-compassion? I have found that skill to be one of the best things that I’ve developed. It helps me with everything now. I think that it’s probably a tool that we can constantly sharpen.”
2. The significance of self-care
“Criticism is still extremely hard on me to the point where it will put me out of commission for a minute (or days even). I’m working on not letting others’ criticism flatten me. I just know, when my rest and my health are in order, it’s much easier to shake it off. When I feel criticized, I’m starting to immediately make a list of people who support me and think differently than people who criticize me and speak unkindly.”
3. It’s extra about them than us
“I find criticism extremely difficult. For me, there is a family wound around criticism, so I can have a deep, painful reaction. Self-compassion has really helped me work through those reactions. I heard something once that often comes to my mind these days—what someone says about us tells us more about them and how they see the world than it is information about us. I find this really helpful because I used to take every single thing someone said about me as truth, but seeing that people are seeing us through the lens of all their wounds and experiences takes the sting away a bit.”
4. Perfectionism vs. our innate drive for excellence
“What you said resonated so much with me (and a big yes to the knife in the heart analogy!)— especially that the desire to avoid criticism is what has caused or contributed to your perfectionism. I feel exactly the same way. Now I work really hard on trying to figure out when something is just my innate drive for excellence or when it’s more a perfectionism driven by fear/avoidance.”
5. How it helps to construct our shallowness
“I used to hold onto criticism much more when I was younger, and it hurt terribly. Working on myself and building up my self-esteem was integral to healing. I used to work with a boss who was critical of everything I did, and I dreaded going to work every day. One day I decided to begin therapy, and soon I built up enough energies to apply to graduate school. Once I got in, I put n my two-weeks notice. Going back to school was an investment in myself.”
6. Other folks’s opinions are none of our enterprise
(*10*)
7. People who criticize usually lack braveness
“Criticism can indeed be hurtful. It can be good to remember that people who criticize are often either unaware of how much work you put into doing that which they are criticizing, or they are taking out their own frustration on you. For many people, it’s more ‘comfortable’ to criticize others who have the courage to do something than to actually do something themselves.”
8. Criticism isn’t all the time true
“I’ve come a long way working with the deep sting of criticism and feeling the knife in my heart. There are moments I still feel the deep sting, but it doesn’t ‘take me out’ in the way it used to. Often, I ask myself ‘is this really true what they said?’ That helps me to come back to myself, along with breathing. I am soothed when I see the criticism is simply not about me! A work in progress going forward.”
9. Hurt folks damage folks
“Criticism is so hard, especially because everybody wants to be accepted and respected for who they are, and the judgments of others can be hard to bear. Depending on our mindset and self-acceptance/self-confidence, it can make us see ourselves as less than if we do not have the right tools in place. I always try to remember the simple truth that ‘hurt people hurt people.’”
10. When criticism will get to you, it’s since you care
“I found it quite emotional reading all the posts and having my intense and long-lasting reaction to criticism normalized. I have struggled with this for a long time. I had a similar thing to you, Julie, with a comment in a survey. It was a really mean, unthoughtful commentf about a presentation I gave, and coming from someone well respected in my field of work, it was hard to take and still gets to me years later. It is helping so much to reframe it as an issue they have rather than a failing of mine! It’s a very empowering feeling. I am also trying to celebrate the fact I find criticism hard knowing that it’s because I care so deeply about doing things well and with care.”
What about you? What helps you’re taking the sting off criticism?
**Some of the group feedback have been edited for readability and grammar.
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