Carolyn Hax: Is it bad karma to toast your cheating ex’s bad luck?

I had a chuckle on the news, as a result of it’s good to see jerks get the bad luck they deserve from time to time. My boyfriend even purchased the desk a spherical of drinks, and all of us toasted their bad luck.

My sister didn’t say something on the time, however later mentioned she’s appalled about my nonetheless being so bitter. She instructed that I’m asking for bad karma by laughing at another person’s misfortune.

Her angle left me floored. I don’t spend a number of time eager about my ex or his girlfriend (who, earlier than I came upon concerning the cheating, was my greatest good friend and enterprise companion), however when this news got here my approach, it did make me smile. Do I actually have to want properly for individuals who lied to me and intentionally screwed me over, simply to be thought-about an honest particular person?

Schadenfreude: It wasn’t your greatest second, and there’s no approach to argue that it was, however this was additionally a superb alternative for your sister to zip it and allow you to be flawed for one awful spherical of drinks. Assuming it was simply this as soon as.

Re: Schadenfreude-ian slip: Oh, sister, I hear ya, and as somebody whose ex moved in along with his affair companion earlier than the divorce was remaining, I’m completely on your facet. I nonetheless talk with my ex about our youngsters, and generally he’ll share one thing that tells me he and the honey reside their greatest lives. It rankles within the second, however I don’t dwell on it. I don’t want them ailing, as a result of that’s what’s greatest for my soul and my very own psychological well being, however, much more actually, I don’t want them properly, both. I don’t assume I’m required to be that developed.

From the textual content and tone of your letter, I belief you’re not bitter, since you’ve moved on with your life, and this was only a one-time indulgence, well-deserved. You’re human. After the karma bus ran over your ex and his girlfriend, the driving force honked and waved. You waved again. I’d have accomplished the identical.

I’m sorry your judgmental sister doesn’t get that.

Anonymous: Does the karma bus take passengers?

Dear Carolyn: In 2020, my now ex-husband cheated on me, gaslighted me about it, then left me. We stay exterior Minneapolis, and the civil unrest was occurring on the similar time — as well as to the pandemic. It was a really scary and tough time.

We have youngsters, and he contacts me very repeatedly. He needs to be mates. I can’t do it. I’ve been experiencing extra anxiousness than standard, and I feel it is post-traumatic stress dysfunction. How do I get to a spot the place I’m detached to this man?

Anxious: I’m sorry concerning the stress pileup.

Please get evaluated for PTSD. Talk to your common physician in case you’re undecided the place to begin the diagnostic course of. The National Alliance on Mental Illness additionally will help (nami.org).

Familiarity usually leads straight to indifference, but when time isn’t sufficient to get you there, then therapeutic assist is sensible. Give your self the reward of applicable care.