I’m conscious that Steve is a nerd. So what? I like him and he treats me properly, however my brother appears to be extra involved with the truth that Steve isn’t “cool.” No one I’ve ever dated has been ok in his eyes. Either method, we’re properly previous the age that we must be commenting on one another’s companions.
The final time he made a remark, I mentioned, “Wowww …” and walked away. That form of labored — he stopped himself the subsequent time he began to say one thing.
I’m not even certain why that is bothering me — I’m definitely not going to surrender an incredible man as a result of my brother is a judgmental glass bowl. I suppose it’s simply getting outdated and I additionally really feel like I’m being judged for who I date. Plus, my brother and I hang around quite a bit and I’d like us all to have the ability to hang around collectively, regardless of his glass-bowlishness. What is finest solution to shut this down?
Anonymous: Your brother appears like a really fragile glass bowl, unnerved and threatened by your boyfriend; why else would he must tear Steve down? That nobody you’ve dated “has been good enough in his eyes” is one other tip-off that he doesn’t like boyfriendly change to his safe atmosphere.
So, Bro is to be pitied. You’re form of on to this already, I believe, since “Wowww …”/[walk away] is the pitch-perfect response. Leave Bro to work although his personal hang-ups with out you.
But along with not budging on a zero-tolerance-for-Steve-bashing place, it’s essential to let Steve know that you know your brother is being a glass bowl — and that he does it to everybody. Acknowledging Steve and giving him a say are half of having his again.
And, please additionally think about clarifying your phrases out loud with the sib: “You’re my brother and I love you, and you’re welcome to stop being a glass bowl to and about Steve at any time.” That each attracts a line and reassures.
If the bullying escalates, although — or merely resumes, when the “Wowww …” wears off — then it will likely be time for Bro to really feel the results of his actions, within the kind of precisely what he apparently fears — misplaced standing in your life. I hope he figures issues out earlier than that.
I’m enthusiastic about how issues we challenge onto and react to — or on this case, bully — in others could be the issues we dislike inside ourselves. My first thought was that brother could also be attracted to Steve, consciously or sub-, suggesting an inside battle for brother to conquer his attraction from with out somewhat than coping with it from inside. No much less icky, but that might recast it.