Friday, May 31, 2024

Ask Amy: I don’t want to tell my sister my dog is dying



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Dear Amy: We simply discovered that our beloved elder pup has a mind tumor that can finish her valuable life within the subsequent couple of months.

Sad preparations are being made to have her euthanized at house, and for somebody to put together a grave. I have notified individuals I know who will want to say goodbye (like my grandsons, whom my pet loves), and different relations.

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I hesitate telling my sister. When my final pet handed away, she needed to be there after we buried him.

When the time got here, she was nowhere to be discovered, and when I known as her, she mentioned she was working an errand and she or he could be proper there.

I waited for over an hour, after which determined to go forward with out her. When she lastly confirmed up, she was beside herself that I didn’t wait, and sobbed prefer it had been her pet that died. She admonished me for not ready and I informed her to go house.

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I don’t want to spend the previous few weeks I have with my pet coping with my sister’s drama. It’s not like she spends plenty of time at our house; I not often see her until she wants one thing.

It will likely be all I can do to hold myself collectively the day now we have to do that terrible deed, and I don’t really feel like I ought to have to consolation her. My husband and I want privateness in our grief.

But there will likely be a no-win scenario, as a result of she’s going to flip out if I tell her after the actual fact. How ought to I deal with this?

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— Broken-Hearted Pet Parent

Broken-Hearted: I’m very sorry you’re going via this. But please remember the fact that euthanizing your pet on the finish of a protracted sickness shouldn’t be seen as “an awful deed.”

It is a last act of loving your animal — all the way in which to the top. Compared to the significance of that tender mercy — your sister’s flip-out is small potatoes.

I say, do precisely what is finest to your pet, your loved ones, and also you.

Dear Amy: I am a 60-year-old full-time musician. I have carried out and taught for a few years.

My a lot youthful second cousin reached out by textual content and requested me to play for his upcoming marriage ceremony. I informed him I was accessible. He has by no means talked about an honorarium of any sort, and I haven’t, both.

I didn’t want to seem grasping. We don’t have any common interplay of any sort.

Should I simply settle for the invitation and never count on an honorarium as a result of he is prolonged household? I really feel a bit awkward asking about receiving fee for my companies.

Pianist: If you don’t ask to be paid or talk about fee, you’ll more than likely not be paid.

This fee shouldn’t be thought of “an honorarium,” however an alternate of cash to your laborious work {and professional} service. An honorarium is provided for companies for which no value is anticipated or set. You are an expert musician, and this is a gig.

You must be very particular {and professional} in your response to your second cousin. Doing so will get rid of stress and confusion later.

Here is pattern wording (you’d fill in your personal particulars): “For weddings, I will play before and during the ceremony — if you want — and for two hours during the cocktail time and dinner.

“If you hire a DJ, they should take over after dinner and during the dancing. My normal fee is $XXX plus a meal and travel expenses. I’d be happy to give you the ‘family discount’ and charge $XXX for the evening. Let me know if this is acceptable and I’d be happy to discuss music choices with you. Congratulations — I’m honored to be asked to perform at your wedding.”

Dear Amy: Have you ever obtained letters from completely different individuals with completely different views about the identical occasion?

For instance, one letter would possibly learn, “My niece rarely responds to text messages. I am forced to contact her again and again if I want a reply. The worst was when we were planning my mother’s 90th birthday party …”

Another author would possibly say, “I am a busy young professional. I can’t drop everything to reply to every text that comes my way, but my uncle does not seem to understand. The worst was when my grandmother was turning 90 …”

Wondering: I’m not conscious of this ever taking place, however your instance illustrates how vital perspective is.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency



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