Our kids are all adults now, and the ex and I are introduced collectively extra usually due to births, weddings, and so on., however he continues to completely “ghost” me. He by no means greets me, by no means directs a phrase towards me and even seems to be at me. My pals and daughter inform me: “Just ignore him. He wants nothing to do with you.”
This continues to be hurtful to me in any case this time. I nonetheless ship him birthday playing cards, emails and notes from time to time. How do you suggest I take care of this?
Dear Exed-Out: Ghosting is when somebody mainly ceases all contact.
If you didn’t attain out to your ex with birthday playing cards and different messages, you wouldn’t really feel fairly so “ghosted,” as a result of each time you attain out, you’re triggering an expectation that your contact will encourage your ex to react or reply. You have to cease.
Yes, this can be very impolite for him to be in your presence at a family occasion and to behave as in the event you don’t exist, however he doesn’t need to have something to do with you, and he’s attempting mightily to not have something to do with you.
I counsel that you must try and cordially share house with him throughout family occasions, greeting him verbally (if he doesn’t reply, that’s his drawback) and behaving neutrally in any other case. In quick, sure — ignore him.
Dear Amy: As a retired minister, I’m sometimes requested to steer funerals or weddings. Most pastors don’t cost a set price for such companies however sometimes obtain an honorarium. In the previous 12 months, I ready and led a number of funerals and a marriage. I acquired nothing for one of many funerals and fewer than $100 for the marriage.
Comparing that “gift” to the 1000’s spent on venue, clothes, leisure, drinks and dinner, I couldn’t assist however really feel as if my work was completely unvalued. The quantity acquired didn’t even cowl my mileage!
Of course, it doesn’t matter what the worth, I put my coronary heart into these companies of worship, however they demand arduous work and plenty of time, and pastors do have bills. I cannot set a price, as a result of I’m prepared to serve these whose monetary assets are actually restricted. Any strategies?
Puzzled: It appears to me that as a retired minister, you must really cost for conducting a service. You are basically a pastor-for-hire, in a position to settle for or decline requests that come your method.
My principle is that most individuals merely have no idea if — or how — pastors are compensated for “extra” companies, they usually consider it’s too awkward to inquire.
When you obtain that first inquiry, you must state: “I charge XX to perform a wedding service. This includes meetings with the couple in advance of the ceremony, conducting the rehearsal, and the wedding ceremony itself.”
For a funeral, you may state: “I normally charge XX to perform a funeral. Would this present an additional hardship for you? If so, I would be willing to reduce or waive my fee.”
Overall, I’m suggesting that you just merely be variety and clear at the outset. You’d be doing households (and your self) a favor.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the query from “Baker” about supplying sugar- and gluten-free meals for a relative.
I used to be born with a medical situation meaning I need to abide by a extremely restrictive eating regimen. When I used to be a child, dietary restrictions have been unprecedented and barely talked about. My prolonged family believed that my mom and I made all of it as much as get consideration. At family gatherings, whereas my prolonged and rapid family ate pie and goodies, I had a cup of water.
I by no means held any resentment towards them, however I at all times felt excluded. Aside from some occasions when my mom might make one thing particular for me, I at all times wished and hoped that others may make meals that I might get pleasure from together with everybody else.
Excluded: I can think about how this should have felt. As I stated to “Baker,” offering meals that her visitor might safely eat is the precise factor for a number to do.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
