This man could be very shut buddies together with her in-laws, and she or he now feels uncomfortable attending any occasion the place he and his spouse could also be in attendance.
Does she have to ask, “Will the husband be bringing his gun?” She will doubtless simply keep away from all encounters, however it should trigger a rift until she says precisely why — which can nonetheless trigger a rift.
But you say this can be a shut household pal. Cannot shut buddies talk about an essential subject on which they differ with out inflicting a rift?
Miss Manners lives in the true world, so she is aware of the reply.
Your daughter might attempt that earlier than avoiding this couple. The tactful manner to put it will be, “I know you are bringing your gun with the idea of protecting us, which we appreciate. But the fact is that we are frightened to be in a room with a loaded gun. We hope to see you here without it, but would appreciate it if you tell us if you are bringing it wherever else we might meet.”
Dear Miss Manners: In a Paris Metro, a well-behaved younger man supplied me his seat (I’m 68, and I suppose it confirmed). Before I might thank him, my husband of greater than 40 years mentioned “thanks.”
I used to be miffed, as a result of this appeared patronizing — one thing that he’s sadly inclined to, however refuses to acknowledge. So I requested him what he was thanking the younger man for. He requested, irritated, what my downside was. Of course, I dropped the topic; nobody desires to pay attention to an previous couple argue, even when it’s in a international language.
I could have been a bit sluggish to thank him, as a result of I wished to clarify one thing to the younger man in my restricted French. But I might have figured it out earlier than the subsequent cease.
Is it well mannered for a husband to thank somebody providing a seat to his spouse?
When the spouse has not accomplished it, oui. Miss Manners is afraid that by the point you considered the phrase “merci,” the well-behaved younger man would have moved on.
Dear Miss Manners: Over the previous few years, I’ve seen that after I strategy the counter at a espresso store or takeaway restaurant, as a substitute of asking “How may I help you?,” “Would you like to place an order?” or one thing of that nature, the workers individual merely stares at me expectantly.
Though it’s apparent what our roles are, it feels demanding to begin asking for gadgets with out an entry from the workers. What is the easiest way to deal with this?
By stating your order, or no matter query you might need earlier than doing so. As you level out, the roles are understood, and Miss Manners sees no cause to require an invite.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by way of Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can ship questions to Miss Manners at her web site, missmanners.com. You also can comply with her @ActualMissManners.
