I normally put a bit on earlier than getting intimate with my husband, or to assist me really feel attractive — so I really feel prefer it’s bizarre for me to now odor the same as my mom, particularly since she is at our home nearly day by day nannying my daughter. Is there any approach to ask her to cease wearing it with out sounding completely petty? I don’t wish to make her really feel unhealthy.
Anonymous: Maybe being susceptible and explaining, the way you simply did right here, would work? I assumed your clarification was fairly eloquent, scent may be very private, a minimum of that’s how you’re utilizing it!
Is there something comparable that may be very private to her or that she is pleased with which may serve as an instance and assist her relate? For instance, some persons are very possessive about sure recipes, and don’t take kindly to individuals copying a “signature dish,” even when they’re glad to swap different recipes.
Not figuring out your mom, I don’t know if this could work or whether it is price a shot. Sadly, this doesn’t normally work with my very own mom! But it has helped with disagreements with different household and buddies. Vulnerability may be disarming and may generally curb individuals’s intuition to be defensive. I reply higher personally to individuals sharing their sincere feeling with me, too (“I statements” assist).
Anonymous: I’m in all probability the final one to ask, as a result of issues like this don’t trouble me in any respect (I’ve proven up wearing the EXACT same shirt as one in all my buddies, and even my mom, earlier than and discover it hilarious … and proof I’ve good style). However, I want to level out that the same scent not often smells the same on two completely different individuals, given your completely different pure scents and pheromones. Case in level, my one pal has the same physique spray as I do, and it’s at all times smelled fruity to me (whereas I’m wearing it), and it smells extra floral on her. We didn’t even understand it was the same scent till one in all us noticed the different use it.
Anonymous: The drawback isn’t that your mom is wearing the same perfume. It’s that you already know she’s wearing the same perfume, and you are feeling self-conscious about it. So that is extra of a you drawback than a mom drawback. Scent could also be private, however rationally, you already know that a minimum of hundreds of different girls put on that same perfume. But your mom is the just one you already know personally, apparently. So you concentrate on her wearing it as a result of you already know about it and since she’s a member of the family, and for some purpose this interferes along with your enjoyment of the perfume. A greater query may be: What are you able to do to get it to trouble you much less?
If your mom is wearing it whereas at your own home, you possibly can point out to her that it weirds you out a bit to odor “your” perfume on another person. If she stops wearing it at your own home, that’s all you’ll be able to anticipate in any cheap method. If she doesn’t put on it at your own home, you may need to seek out some thought-stopping method to assist your thoughts change gears while you begin ruminating on mom and the perfume. If it’s worthwhile to learn up on thought-stopping, Google is your pal.
— Used to put on the same perfume as my finest pal
Every week, we ask readers to reply a query submitted to Carolyn Hax’s reside chat or e-mail. Read final week’s installment right here. New questions are sometimes posted on Fridays, with a Monday deadline for submissions. Responses are nameless, until you select to establish your self, and are edited for size and readability.
